If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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