Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
