my being single is dangerous.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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