Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
