how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
