how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
