dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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