so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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