Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
