We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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