it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
