I'm gonna have a badass scar
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize