Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
