Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
