i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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