you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
