I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
