I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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