I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
