I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
