do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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