My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
