I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this hospital has no fireball
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize