sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Enjoy the penises
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
