Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
