So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
