I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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