how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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