think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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