he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
