i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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