so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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