This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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