Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
