Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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