Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Me too!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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