I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
