I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
