whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
