Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
