shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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