your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
