You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
