what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
