omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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