There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
