4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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