I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
