I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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