guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my being single is dangerous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
