If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
