What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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