he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
And then he peed in my hair
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