I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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