woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
