it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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