Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
