i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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