That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my liver is dry heaving
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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