we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
