I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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