I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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