The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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