dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
