those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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