I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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