I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
