i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
