Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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