I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
soo... how was my night?
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