im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I deserve this hangover.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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