onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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