Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
