I can text with my tongue
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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