when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
