Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize