We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
