Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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