This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
