Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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