It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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