i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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