And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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