He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize