Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
