If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
