Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
