I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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