What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
