I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
