I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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