the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
