I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your cock deserves a montage
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
