The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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