Are we in a gay sports bar?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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