I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
