The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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