ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize