My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
