I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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