we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
