He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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