I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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