please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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