You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
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