My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
