the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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