You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
