My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
