Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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