my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
