Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
