the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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