The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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