dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
