he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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