is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I want to be your penis for a week.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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