Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
