well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
How external is "for external use only"?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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