So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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